If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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