i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
