I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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