woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
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