Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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