So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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