some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
