you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Randomize
