dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
