I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
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