ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
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The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
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my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
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