My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
be right there i have to get my cape
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
