Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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