just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Randomize
