I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
