That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
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I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
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Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
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