and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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