I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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