I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
Operation Purity has been aborted
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Randomize
