They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
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