After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
