shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
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