it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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