i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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