If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
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