If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
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