I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
