im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
