i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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