No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
