I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
