one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
