She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
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