So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
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I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
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We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
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