and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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