She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
