yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
