mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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