well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Randomize
