Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
