tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
