"it" just moved
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
