I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
