I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
