Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
