two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
