Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
