I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
is that a dick in a sweater?
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
