Cold hands, warm shart.
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
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