yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize