I didn't shave. On purpose
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Randomize