i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
