I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I just found puke in my bra..
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Randomize
