Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
