That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
