Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
and she was petting her beer can
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
