ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
