This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
