I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
