it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
