seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Randomize
