Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
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I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
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We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
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