Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
