so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
