hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
