Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Randomize
