I want to stick my p in your. b.
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Randomize
