I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Randomize
