At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Randomize
