Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
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