haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
