you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Randomize
