I smell stomach acid.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
