No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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