I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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