Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Randomize
