he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
