Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
